This Valentine’s Day, I’m sitting near the Christmas tree that hasn’t been packed up yet. As I write this, Burna Boy’s “Last Last” is playing in my ears. And I think about how musicians channel their relationship woes and joys into some of the most beautiful music we’ve ever heard. Think Adele’s “When We Were Young,” Beyonce’s “Lemonade,” Lewis Capaldi’s “Bruises,” and Sam Smith’s “Not The Only One.” This is the music we listen to at 2 am, cry to in the shower, say “YES” to and curse our exes alongside.
Humans are social creatures, they love Love, love being in love, they anticipate the thrill of chasing and being chased, they relish the power that a few simple words hold over another, and guard their vulnerability with just the right amount of ferocity, lowering their guard for The One. And along comes breakfast.
Nobody wants heartbreak or breakfast as we now call it. It is utterly exhausting, it rips you apart down to the very fabric of your soul and some days you just want to crawl in a corner and never come out again. It’s worse when you aren’t anticipating it when all of your mental and emotional energy is devoted to your partner and then, bam! You’re seeing shege via text and blocks across social media.
It feels like the end of the world, frankly.
How do you pull out of that dark place? How do you not give in to depression, rebellion, Yoruba demon spirits and Kayamata methods? It is quite simple, do not get a rebound. That is really important as most people immediately want to get back at their cheating, murderous ex by doing all the crazy things — like committing to one-night stands, and breaking people’s hearts in turns because what goes around must come around, getting a new partner who may or may not have spent eternity in the wings, waiting for you to chop breakfast so they’ll “treat you like you ought to be treated” — that their real self would be appalled at.
Don’t do it. Your ex doesn’t care and you’ll hate yourself more afterwards. And you know it.
Heal. Let yourself cry, cuss, scream and destroy property you have enough money to replace. Stay indoors and eat buckets of chicken or popcorn or ice cream, watch sappy movies and let yourself cry. A good cry does wonders for the mind. Let your support system do exactly that for you, support you. And then, one day, when you are ready, exhale and forgive. Do all of this on your own timeline, at your own pace, but do it.
Oh, one more thing. This year, find love for yourself. Love that makes you feel good, polishes your dullness, mends your mistakes, points out your arrogance, holds you accountable, pushes the accelerator on your dreams, treats people like they are people and knows if you like chocolates or skin care products or all expense paid trips as Valentine’s Day gifts.
Don’t settle for less, this Valentine’s Day!
