Some time ago on Twitter, a user tweeted, “What was that incident that made you stop your Talking stage with someone?” (A Talking stage, for the unaware, is the initial phase of any social media contact where there is a chance that it will develop into something more.) A female user then quoted that tweet with a picture of the list titled “My list of fetishes as a Dom” sent to her by someone she was in the talking stage with.
BDSM, or Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism is a form of sexual expression that is gaining growing acceptance throughout the world. To many people, the idea of BDSM can seem intimidating or uncomfortable. But for those who are open-minded about exploring alternative forms of sexual expression, there is much to be learned from the rich culture of BDSM in Nigeria. Let’s take a closer look at this unique form of sexuality and what there is to know about it.
The once-veiled sex culture in Nigeria is now almost bare-faced. The reality of the very liberating 21st century is that intercourse, fetishes, and other bedroom activities that were once considered sacred or mentioned in hushed tones are now branded as badges. There was once a time when it was taboo to disclose that you got a kick from getting handcuffed, gagged, and flogged.
Now, some people are fairly comfortable publicising their predilections, albeit anonymously. In an interview with Bounce RadioTV, an anonymous member of the BDSM community said that while the fetish helped her fall more in love with her body, she isn’t ready to put a face to her risque images.
“I was scared to do so because of the reception it might get, especially because of the industry where I work. While I am very much not prudish, I am also all about my bag. I did not want to risk my money being harmed as a result of some light fun.”
Not many people would think that a sexual preference that looks humiliating and painful could help improve your image. That’s because of how it is portrayed in movies and society.
Contrary to popular belief, BDSM does not include suffering. In BDSM scenarios, safety, communication, and trust are the actual cornerstones.
Complete trust in one another is necessary for BDSM activities; without it, it is impossible to have fun. Another important factor is communication.
In fact, according to Klein, BDSM may involve far more talking than actual sexual activity. Safety is also another essential element. “They respect the rules that both partners have agreed upon. No one involved ever crosses those boundaries”.
“BDSM is never coercive or impulsive, and it is not about torture or pain,” Klein added.
“However, some Nigerian men in this community don’t necessarily see this kink for what it is,” claims the aforementioned anonymous BDSM community member, “Instead of seeing it as a delicate dance, they see it as a chance to have sex with as many girls as possible.”
“So many accounts sprout up these days with faceless men who are just focused on trying to have sex with as many women as possible. They make passes at every single woman in our community while having absolutely nothing to offer except a hard penis.”
While there’s not a lot of public information on the practice of BDSM, especially BDSM in Nigeria, the country is a huge importer of everything shiny and fancy, so it is safe to say that the community of this kink is bigger than any of us can think.
Ultimately though no matter what one believes about this type of sexual expression—it is important to remember that everyone should always remain open-minded when exploring something new so that they can make informed decisions based on their comfort level.
Benji’s TGIF celebration took him to a club in Victoria Island, Lagos courtesy of his friends. It was the first one he’d been to with a stripper pole, and coming from filling spreadsheets and seemingly endless paperwork, this was what this 29-year-old bachelor needed.
Time passed, and the longer Benji spent in the club the more intrigued he got about the whole pole dancing experience. Being naturally inquisitive, he wondered about stripping welfare; what was payment like, and what does security mean in the community? But most importantly, amidst his concern, Benji was looking for professionalism, sportsmanship, and of course buxom ladies with voluptuous derrieres. Got you right?
Moving on, the music is on full blast. The top songs in the country are getting rinsed, repeated, and scratched by the DJ. There’s a rave happening on the illuminated dance floor, with waists defying physics. And in the middle of the beautiful chaos of bodies was a petite belle in pink dancing wondrously. What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this? He thought to himself. They both could feel the musk of lascivious intent in the air. Paddling lustful glares at one another like tennis players did ping-pong balls.
He found his way to her and spent the better part of that night dancing to the tune of her waist embellishments like a snake charmer and a snake. They talked with their eyes over the loud music, everyone else was in bokeh; blurred out.
When they eventually used their mouths outside the club, he’d find out she was a bootstrapper and driven. She exuded confidence, and from the way she spoke, she was calculated. Going to clubs like this was her routine most nights, she fluttered in and out of famous nightclubs that rich Alayes frequent. Debbie catered to certain unique and exotic kinks of dignitaries.
When she mentioned that she was a dominatrix he wasn’t surprised; he could tell by the aura of control around her. She shared with him stories of politicians and beer-bellied aristocrats who enjoyed being cuffed, gagged, and whipped because it gave them sexual satisfaction. As intriguing as it all sounded, Benji had no plans to take her back to his place and experiment. He’d heard enough.
They both went back into the nightclub after talking and sharing a cigarette in the parking lot.
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