What really is the new masculinity we have heard about so many times? There is no denying that we live in a world where men… are more aware of themselves, their emotions and the people around them than ever before. Nevertheless, the lives of boys are still constricted by traditional gender norms: being strong, athletic and stoic; and when you are not, you are told to man up.
This is why masculinity is not just a global conversation for women; men are needed in the conversation, necessarily because men can help break the cycle.
The boys’ movement which was recently launched and had its first year experience this year on the 16th of May, has opened the eyes of society to understand that we need a redefinement of the men we have around us. It has also made us understand that the needs of boys in our society are essential and should not be neglected. The society should be filled with men who dare to be different. Men who dare to become better fathers, the ones who are present for their friends and family.
What do we need to do?
We need to consciously make men better, by raising boys the same way the girls are raised.
Toxic masculinity is usually subtle and unconscious. Hence, men find out they have grown and inculcated these unhealthy traits too. They include the following “codes” but are not limited to them:
- Suffering pain in silence.
- Having no desires or needs.
- Never losing.
- Showing no emotions other than bravado or rage.
- Never having to depend on anyone.
- Never do anything that could be construed as weakness.
- Never snitch.
At some point, we have to decide how to redefine manhood and masculinity for ourselves and then pass it on to those around us.
It is not ‘unmanly’ to be passionate, having the need to show strong emotions, be sentimental, have moments of weakness or be defeated. Being a man is essentially embracing your humanity and being self aware to the point of developing oneself for service, resilience and selflessness.
It’s about boys growing into men who are not afraid to explore, attain happiness and be fufilled with their lives.
As each person is uniquely built, so should self-awareness and personal expression be different to each person.
There is no new war on men, and there is no need for anyone to prove their masculinity through aggression.
It is time to put an end to toxic masculinity and redefine what masculinity actually means to the boys.
