Our backgrounds determine how much we love and the way we communicate the act of love. Children who are brought up in a conducive atmosphere of peace, love, and understanding often grow up and become more tolerant and understanding of other people than children brought up in an atmosphere of animosity and intolerance.
Hard pill.
Love is beautiful. However, it can also get “ugly” if it is misdirected and not well nurtured to its full potential.
I was born into a family of six, the first child of my family. My mum is a princess, her dad married seven wives and had fifty-six children. My dad, on the other hand, was the only son of a single mother who grew up with her mum’s family in a small town. My dad’s mum lost her husband while still pregnant with her only son(My dad), his kinsmen wouldn’t let her live in peace. So, for the sake of her children, she ran to her mum’s family and gave birth.
That was where my dad was raised.
Coming from a complex background exposed me to a lot of diverse issues. I was encouraged and motivated to be and do more in life. My mum’s family also influenced my upbringing. Her notion of love from her polygamous family was different. She saw her father infrequently and had to struggle at a young age with her mother to earn a living. She was taught to be independent and fearless and grew up without friends just like her mother.
On the other hand, my Dad was taught to be brave and never to trust anyone although he kept quite a few friends from his mother’s family. For him, life was all about the survival of the fittest.
Being born to two people so unique took a toll on me. I lived in constant fear of my Father because he scolded me for every mistake. I couldn’t confide in my father while growing up because I was so scared of his reaction. We never bonded properly. Growing up knowing you have a father but you can’t get close to him is quite traumatic. My mother was my major support system and pillar. She had to fill in the void left open by my father.
Now, for romantic relationships, most people get into it and expect an idealist approach from their partner. There is no set or standard way to love. Love is actionable and so, it needs constant nurturing and communication to get it right in your own unique way. Expectations of a high level of trust, understanding, commitment are naturally what we hope to get in any relationship. The best way is to give what you can and work with your partner to achieve their own bit.
Relationships especially of the sexual kind, are not unlike family relationships. The difference is the physical reaction to each other. As earlier noted, each relationship is unique to the people involved in it.
What are the methods used for conflict resolution in times of distress? How open are your communication lines?
Is there an unflinching level of trust?
How does your sexual bonding make you stronger?
In relationships, the most unrelated people in ideologies, tastes and even backgrounds can still make it work because they understand that despite their differences, they work towards a common goal of stability and sustainability for their common good.
In a nutshell, find out your partner’s love language and learn to speak it with ease and precision.
